Do You "Hijack' Conversations?
This blog was originally posted in June 2020
Conversation hijacking occurs daily in life, but do gospel-workers also do it? To understand hijacking, let’s learn from the world of bird-watching.
I attended a birding convention with excited bird-watchers from all over America. After dinner, each person at our table described recent bird sightings from back home—a Great Gray Owl in a Manitoba muskeg marsh, a Lesser Black-backed Gull off the coast of New Hampshire. Wonderful stories!
But one fellow-birder ruined every conversation—and he didn’t even realize it.
Birder A: We found a Great Gray Owl on a frosty morning sitting 12 feet up in a stunted conifer. We hoped he wouldn’t move so we could get close-up photos, but then….
Hi-jacker: That’s great. My first Great Gray Owl was on a telephone pole. He just sat there until a crowd gathered. Then we….[story continues.]
Birder B: So tell us, Birder A, did you get good photos of the Great Gray?
Birder A: As I was saying, the owl was sitting still, but then a baby started crying in the car ahead of us, and the owl snapped its head in that direction….
Hi-jacker: Once I was trying to photograph an owl, but a guy driving by honked and it jumped off its perch. I cussed the horn-honker, but then the bird circled back to a pole even closer— amazing huh?
Birder A: Hmmm…
This birding hijacker heard words that jogged his memory of a similar experience. He couldn’t resist interrupting when the speaker paused to take a breath.
But, conversation hijacking is not unique to birders! We gospel-workers are especially vulnerable because we are eager to build friendships. Plus, the more we know, the more tempted we are to “contribute” to the conversation—sometimes inappropriately. I have done it, and so have you.
Even godly people hijack conversations. Why? Some possibilities:
Insecurity: Sharing my experience validates my identity. It makes me feel significant.
Poor People-Skills: Some conversationalists don’t realize they “contribute” inappropriately.
Over-zealous: Well-intentioned hijackers assume they move the conversation along by introducing their experience.
To overcome hijacking? Be alert. You might do it unknowingly.
James 1:19 certainly applies: “Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger….” But hijacking goes deeper than words. The hijacker is not thinking of the speaker, but of himself.
One giving partner told of a mission-worker who asked to hear about their family. She was honored he wanted to know. But the missionary hijacked the donor’s words every few sentences with stories about his own family. Let donors speak at least 50-60% of the time. It is more important to hear than to be heard.
Let’s put Philippians 2:3 into action:
“With humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves...”
These days when I am tempted to jump into a conversation I determine to say, “Wait! The speaker is going somewhere. Honor her by listening. Don’t interrupt what God might be doing.”
With “humility of mind!” Think about the speaker—not yourself!
